Good news for hypochondriacs: you were right all along.
A new survey has shown the average Brit suffers an astonishing 9,672 ailments,sicknesses and injuries in their lifetime. Suddenly I don’t feel so well.
Across the average 78 year lifespan, we’re each likely to endure 780 sore backs, 858 headaches and 2,808 bumps and bruises.
Those who enjoy going for a bracing walk can look forward to 156 blisters and 234 insect bites before eventually taking their final step. And if you’re thinking it might be safer to just stay indoors, think again: statistically speaking, you’re in for 234 paper cuts, 156 burns and 78 electric shocks.
We’ll also face 78 nosebleeds (though hopefully not all in the same week) and 156 cases of ear ache.
Even just the annual figures in the survey, conducted by Benenden Healthcare Society, are enough to make you queasy. Check these out:
But it’s not all doom and gloom. As Joe Mulligan, the Red Cross’ resident first aid guru points out: “Most of these injuries are pretty minor and, with just a little knowledge, you can easily treat them yourself.
“Common injuries – such as cuts, nosebleeds, burns, and strains and sprains – don’t require complicated treatment and you learn all you need to know in minutes with our Everyday First Aid resource.”
One entertaining side-effect of the survey has been the revelation of how impressively clumsy British people are. Half of us have banged our head on a car, almost half have done that delicious trick of stepping barefoot on a plug and – bizarrely – a quarter of us have gone to sit down and completely missed their seat. It would seem we’re a nation of Mr Beans.
So my advice is to spend a few minutes learning the first aid basics.
And given you can expect to encounter three hospital visits, two surgeries, two ankle sprains and a broken bone during your lifetime, finding a bit of ‘down’ time shouldn’t be that difficult.
