A. A hot-wax hair removal specialist
B. A Red Cross wheelchair
C. Russell Brand
The answer, of course, is B. (For the curious among you, I’m really not sure how many hairy bums a year the hot-wax specialists encounter – and, frankly, I don’t want to know. Apparently, Russell Brand’s annual total is closer to 200, if you believe the newspapers.)
But what exactly does a Red Cross wheelchair do to get such an enviable track record on the derriere front? Well, the medical equipment service, available right through the UK, provides temporary loans of wheelchairs and other bits of kit designed to help people with injuries – or who’ve just had an operation – get through a difficult patch.
So, if Ben breaks his leg playing football but still wants to get out and about with his mates, a wheelchair will be a big help. (Providing his mates don’t wheel him to the middle of a field and leave him there, that is.) If young Sally twists her knee in gymnastics class, we have special kiddie-sized wheelchairs – not available in many NHS hospitals – on hand.
And, best of all, if Aunt Gladys from Dunoon wants to visit her grandkids in Brighton but has been feeling a bit frail, she can phone the Red Cross down south and order a wheelchair, which will be waiting for her when she arrives.
This little-known but wonderful service has been running successfully for donkey’s years now. Like crocodiles and rhinos, it’s one of those things that hasn’t really changed at all since its inception because it works so well.
Every year, thousands of volunteers put in the hours to make sure that, when times are tough, people have somewhere convenient – and mobile – to park their bum. And not one of them is obliged to spend any ‘quality’ time with Russell Brand.